11 December 2007

Death by Tempura

And then it gets really gross.

05 December 2007

30 November 2007

Evel Knievel is dead and so is our laggy front page

I reduced the number of posts on the front page to 16 from 64.

Raise your hand if you had the 4th toy on this page.

Rock Ballads Quiz

6/10. They tricked me 3 times with duplicate songs for the artist that I knew or duplicate artists for the title I knew.

27 November 2007

He doesn't want a war

the best line: "Tupac Shakur, rest in peace (he was the best!)"

26 November 2007


apologies for the audio sync issues.

24 November 2007

greasemonkey pagination

when the front page gets really large, my long-suffering Titanium Powerbook develops significant responsiveness issues when viewing Anchorbutt in FireFox 2.

Here's a greasemonkey script I wrote this morning that adds a (particularly unbeautiful) sort of poor-man's DOM paginator. with this script in place, initial load and general mousing around is a lot faster:

// ==UserScript==
// @name Anchorbutt Pager
// @namespace anchorbutt
// @description Adds DHTML pagination to the entries on anchorbutt
// @include http://anchorbutt.blogspot.com/*
// ==/UserScript==

* Constructor function, which destructively modifies the provided DOM element
* 'container'. 'container' is subdivided into pages, each containing 'pageSize'
* blog entries. The currently displayed page can be changed using a list of
* anchor elements added to the top of 'container'.
function Paginator(container, pageSize) {

//'selector' contains links to select the currently displayed page.
var selector = document.createElement('div');
selector.setAttribute('class', 'page-selector');
selector.setAttribute('style', 'margin-bottom: 1em;');

selector.appendChild(document.createTextNode('Page '));

var pageCount = 0;
var currentPage = null;

/** private function to create a new empty page in the paginator */
function addPage() {

//the page container
var page = document.createElement('div');
page.setAttribute('class', 'page-container');

//add a title for the page to keep users oriented
var title = document.createElement('h2');
title.appendChild(document.createTextNode('Page ' + pageCount));

//create a new anchor to select this page.
var toggle = document.createElement('a');
'margin-right: 1ex; cursor: pointer;');

//when clicked, the anchor removes the previous page from the DOM,
//replacing it with this one.
function() {
if (currentPage != page) {
if (currentPage) {
currentPage = page;
return false;

//if this is the first page, display it immediately.
if (!currentPage) {
currentPage = page;

return page;

//main constructor logic. we simply iterate container's children,
//partitioning them out into page elements we build using addPage()
var entryCount = 0;
var page = addPage();

for (var child = container.firstChild;
child && child.className != 'page-selector'; ) {

//move element out of the original container and into
//the current page accumulator.
var next = child.nextSibling;

if (child.className && child.className.match(/post/)) {
if (++entryCount == pageSize) {
entryCount = 0;
//rollover to the next page.
if (next)
page = addPage();
child = next;

* recursively search for the blog entry container in the DOM, starting at
* parent node 'root'.
function findPostContainer(root) {

//base case: we take the parent for 'date-header' elements as
//our root element.
for (var child = root.firstChild; child; child = child.nextSibling) {
if (child.className && child.className.match(/date-header/))
return root;
//recursive case: descend on each child.
for (var child = root.firstChild; child; child = child.nextSibling) {
var ret = findPostContainer(child);
if (ret)
return ret;
return null;

//begin MAIN procedure.

//drive down to 'main', which is the center area of the main layout.
var main = document.getElementById('main');
if (main) {
//drill down further by finding the first date header, and
//selecting its parent
main = findPostContainer(main);

if (main) {
//we've found the main entry container. apply pagination to it.
new Paginator(main, 10);
} else {
//the DOM structure does not match our expectations. complain.
alert('GreaseMonkey / Anchorbutt script unable to find top-level ' +
'post container. ' +
'Maybe some clever person has changed the layout?');

21 November 2007


Who remembers Max Headroom?

Come sweet slumber, enshroud me in thy purple cloak.

20 November 2007

I found some chick's online journal from 2001

and i started reading it... sad

Me Then You. Me Then You.

I'm getting exposed to a lot of Sesame Street these days, but here's some old school.


Looks like they have a working title. Anybody else following this? Looks like something worth seeing.

16 November 2007

bad schmonz poetry

apologies in advance

Ninja Parade

02 November 2007

Ahh... 70s Tv...

... commemorating 60s Tv.

I got this from Farty McTootlePants, who likely didn't post it because of its narrow regional focus (very cool to anyone who grew up in Cleveland).

However, there is a wider point of interest. At about 5:48 we see Ghoulardi's family, including a cute tyke in a tie -- who is, in all likelihood, PTA. Made me recall the Tom Cruise/Jason Robards relationship in Magnolia -- perhaps some real-life angst there?

01 November 2007


Hi all, this is my first post on anchorbutt. Hope you enjoy!

In the 13th century, the Mongolian leader Genghis Khan (in German Dschinghis Khan) and his hoard of riders conquered a vast area of the world as it was known at that time. Centuries later, a colourful, historical and costumed music group from Munich did the same with a surprise attack on the world of music.

Here is an English interpretation of the lyrics.

28 October 2007

19 October 2007

In some other galaxies somewhere else

Hey 'butters!

Bacon Truth


Batch to run/No butch art/Can both rut/Brat ho c*nt.

Seriously, how have I not heard of Zentai before?

dibs on this one

Show us your papelbon!

Hint: they're laughing at you. Not with you.

I'll bet dcass does a great papelbon.

17 October 2007

Fatmouse devours human infants


15 October 2007

Your world is not what it was

I changed some things:
-altered the page template to the new blogger system, which allows cool drag and drop layout and a widget system, but also allows some editing of the underlying code
-added labels widget, hacked it to only show tags used more than twice
-hacked the post template to only show the author on the individual item page, not on our front page

If anyone dislikes anything, comment below.

Maybe I'll do some actual look and feel hacking, too, cuz this template is fugly. It'd also be cool to add the number of posts by contributors next to their name, but haven't figured that out yet.


Star Wars theme on a trumpet

09 October 2007

Ars Mortifera

The target of this post is appropriate for anchorbutt, but my prose can not rival that of tormp's previous post, so I'll just link on through.

national pornographic on youtube

national geographic has a lot of content hosted on youtube. the presentation has been foxnewsinated for the youtube generation, albeit in a sad way that suggests discomfort with the whole enterprise.


discussion / spoiler alert
What the hell is dad thinking? "My daughter doesn't know yet, so I wanted to, you know..."? NO! How many sane ways can you complete that sentence? ZERO. Also, aren't 5-year-olds all internet-savvy now? Seeing "Thumper" disintegumented on YouTube over and over again will be less traumatic than confronting her erstwhile friend's return to the void? Asshole.

I think the subject matter and production here seems geared to match TLC-level "edutainment": a presentation of tawdry subject matter whose entertainment value clearly lies in schadenfreude or other base titillation, and not in the, eh, noble facade of learning something stimulating about taxidermy.


It's a clever tactic, anthropomorphizing the side that wins from the first couple of frames. This reminds me of an interaction I had with Kyl's uncle, over an adorable new calf that was stumbling around their farm in NE Ohio. "Did you give him a name?" "Lunch."

Seriously, this is not the N.G. that I grew up with: the dispassionate egghead explication attending hours of nothing but blank-eyed lizards clambering over dry dirt and rocks, punctuated by fleeting moments of mind-rending horror. To what end is this progress? John Madden narrates the Serengeti?

02 October 2007

Two for One

Originally I was just going to link the Titanic conspiracy theory. An unconvincing hoax since he chose to justify his text, rather then use the center tag. But now I'm also linking the iPhone rant.

01 October 2007

ohhhhhhh yeahhhhh

"The ambitious Swiss electronic duo Yello comprised vocalist/conceptualist Dieter Meier -- a millionaire industrialist, professional gambler, and member of Switzerland's national golf team -- and composer/arranger Boris Blank."

now that's a biography. he's like buckaroo banzai.

28 September 2007

Gen X Parenting

Who cares when you toilet train 'em, there are important questions to consider.

21 September 2007

Go homunculus!

I don't know how this could be any creepier. Pumpkins grown in the shape of human faces.

via Make Blog.

17 September 2007

13 September 2007

10 September 2007

31 August 2007

Bowie + Mahir = Crazy Delicious

I googled the YouTube because Farty McTootlepants IM'd "I KEES YOU" when I enabled the comments atom feed. I was not disappointed.


OK, I think if you scroll down and look on the left side of the Anchorbutt page, you'll now find not one but two atom feeds: one for posts and one for comments. Blogger's help was a bit misleading, but I think I guessed my way into the right thing. The comments feed seems to just be a chronological list of comments, without the context of the original post, so that's a bit less than completely desirable.

Maybe one of my fellow anchorbutters is smarter than I am and can make it more gooder.

Wookie B-boy

25 August 2007


this story seems funny.

BUT, according to FOX NEWS there is a plague of AFRICANIZED VERVETS moving up through MEXICO, which A SCIENTIST expects to INVADE OHIO by 2057. hide your daughters.

ps. you must read the comments on the linked story, which are uniformly hilarious.

Who here plays the fantasy football?

What if they nerded it up for ya?

24 August 2007

Al Franken can draw a map of the U.S. . .

. . . freehand, while making jokes for an audience. The only thing that would make this better is if he did in character as the drunk baggage handler from "Trading Places".

23 August 2007

22 August 2007

It's Not Just About Selling Insurance

blood meridian

i have just read the last words of blood meridian, and am certainly headfucked for a thousand days. somebody please read this book quickly and explain to me why it will all be ok.

i'd quote something here, but really no one should be exposed except by choice.

21 August 2007

20 August 2007

Charles Darwin did it

... so its okay if you do it too.

What they don't want you to know.

A site linking to results from a special Wikipedia search. It's a cross reference between the IP addresses of anonymous edits to Wikipedia against the edits that were made. People are using it to find organizations editing their own information. The link above can link you to the search engine, but it contains many juicy finds itself, which you can click on to see the diffs of the Wikipedia pages.
Some good stuff in there, Exxon declaring the Valdez disaster harmless, Scientology cleaning up it's image, McDonalds removing criticisms, Diebold, Republicans, Democrats, Digital Rights Management, Israelis, Mulsims, etc.

11 August 2007

Seen on BoingBoing

I know that posting things seen on BB is not considered impressive, but we were on the topic of Stormtroopers, so I thought I'd do it.

09 August 2007

Finally, some SPAM Email that makes sense!

Princesses always whooped at me and even men did in the federal bathroom!
Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took M eg ad ik
for 5 months and now my pecker is indeed longer than average.
The sailors and marines from the frigate HMS Cornwall
is circulating a 15-page draft statement for approval by
trauma, although there is no official cause of death at
sustained during the fall.
"There's a tremendous volume of water going through"

06 August 2007

Aren't you a little...

... stacked for a stormtrooper?

Creepy dolls on flickr

Meathead (above) seems to be an alternative presentation of the traditional deli tray. Other pictures in the photoset get creepier from there.

03 August 2007

ED 209 deployed to Iraq


seriously, don't watch the whole thing. just the first couple of minutes, long enough to see that shifty freak getting all sweaty and happy in front of the giant flag while he anticipates his robots killing people.

01 August 2007

Wait...it's a band?

Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!

They did the theme for Buffy.


25 July 2007


this one's for dcass

containing apparently undoctored images of George Lucas wearing a 'han shot first' tshirt, whilst talking to harrison ford.

20 July 2007

news flash: disgusting food adversely affects health

what the hell am i supposed to eat next week?

so this is a slightly fatuous post, but it inaugurates the "chilisauce" label and, frankly, i had to push the top picture in doug's post down the page or lose my mind.

18 July 2007

Congrats to me!

i just found the creepiest site on the internet.

check out some delightful samples:

(why do i think jason will like this the most?)

09 July 2007

05 July 2007


Imagine donating your body to science, thinking it would be used for education and research when in fact it is going to be posed like a velvet painting of dogs playing poker.


29 June 2007

i've got to ask

is anyone attempting to get an iphone today? more importantly, will it have newton integration?

21 June 2007

Advice letter

Oh, I see. Jubilee Clips are hose clamps. Weird.

19 June 2007

Live Transformers "Transform-Off"

God i wish there was sound so i could hear their snorting and giggling.


12 June 2007

Bacon is debonair

Truer words were never blogged.

06 June 2007

Donkey Puncher go fast!

I got an email from Donkey Puncher today. He raced his motorsickle at Beaverun.

Here is the track layout and a video of the race from another racer's bike. (DP in directly in front of this guy at the start.)

While watching the race, you may want to have the track layout up in a separate window and read DP's description of the track, turn-by-turn. At least, that's how I watched it. Some other things to pay attention to are the speedometer (wow) and how far over these guys lean the bikes in the turns (gah!).

Here is a walk though of a lap.

From a dead stop you have just enough time from the start finish line to shift into 4th gear. I would imagine the speed being around 110 mph before downshifting back into 3rd for the blind entry left hander. There is steel curbing at the apex of turn 1 and it’s best to stay off of it. If you run too deep into 1 you will be messed up for the next 3 turns. At the apex of one if you are one of the fast guys you should be Wide Open Throttle through turns 2 and 3. I am more like 3/4 throttle. Turn 4 is a moderate braking zone and this is where I seemed to spin the most. I was not carrying enough speed through turn 4 and when I would realize I was going too slow I would give it gas and spin the rear. On at least 2 occasions I was on the rumble strips and would clip a small section of grass before re-entering the track surface.

Turn five is a 90 degree right hander that starts your uphill ascent. There is a piece of patching in this turn that makes me nervous, but I never lost traction. We are still in 3rd year heading up the hill. You approach turn 6 in what feels like less than a second. It’s a very fast transition to a left hand turn. You have to be careful not to bounce your knee off the curbing here because if you don’t carry enough speed you will be inside of the apex.

Turn 7 is one of the more difficult turns for me since it is totally blind. The only reason you know there is even a turn is because you have been there before, there is no other indication until you are right on top of it. You need to pitch the bike onto it’s right ride before you see where the road goes. This is difficult. Just after the apex of 7 you are at full throttle shifting into 4th gear. Everything is scraping here. Your knee, toes, and foot pegs. There is a bit of a straight away and you can make 5th gear right after Turn 8, which is called the 1st kink. Turn 9 or the second kink is where you don’t want to pass. You can pass here but you take a substantial risk of running wide. Remember the Armco barriers? Yes chances are of you run wide here you will hit them. There are only a few hay bales setup here and chances are your bike will clear them out of the way for you just before you hit the wall.

Turn 10 is a popular braking zone as you downshift 3 gears into 3rd. You ascend again onto the front straight in this uphill and off-camber right hander. I slid the rear tire here constantly. My boots need new toe sliders because of this turn also. You need to be in 4th year before the kink on the front straight which is turn 11. By the time you hit the start finish line you are back to 5th or 6th gear, depending on your gearing. You need to be on the brakes hard at the 3rd braking marker in order to make Turn 1 again. This makes for some nervous, rear tire raising moments when you come up on a slower rider.

02 June 2007

31 May 2007

speaking of lovecraft

sleepytime gorilla museum are playing at the beachland on 6/2. they will be playing timeless classics like the above, and "the donkey-headed adversary of humanity opens the discussion". among their nearly innumerable virtues:
* endlessly amusing
* everyone in the band goes by both a first name and a last name
* the woman is an Obie
* they will do for strange things what the beatles did for other things

Lovecraft meets Memorial Day

Roast em if you've got 'em.

30 May 2007

David Icke

If we haven't mentioned this guy as a center tagger before, we should have.

23 May 2007

A Cure for Mismatched Socks

I've always matched socks on color and style... but I guess numbers would work as well.
This is a great example of creating a need through marketing.
Nice music, too.

19 May 2007

Nick Cage... our generations Chris Walken?

an honorable suicide is the only option

i'm kind of excited about transformers. why? why why why why? what the hell is going on? it's michael bay. con air. did you see con air? my god. the island. did you see the island? it was stupid, impossibly stupid. indepedence day? with wil smith? stop me. please, somebody. don't let me do this.

update. i see that i have grossly misattributed several awful films to michael bay. feel free to substitute "armageddon" and "pearl harbor" for "independence day" and "con air".

however, i feel there is a sense in which he was responsible for those films, even if he wasn't directly involved in their production.

17 May 2007

14 May 2007

Schmonz's Theorem

I have discovered the following very important theorem.

SCHMONZ'S THEOREM: Everything is the same as something else, except for something.

Example #1: THE CHEESEBURGER. The cheeseburger is the same as the hamburger, except that it also contains cheese. Schmonz's Theorem holds. An equivalent true statement can be formulated in terms of the hamburger. Normative formulations are also possible: The cheeseburger is the same as the hamburger, except that it's more awesome.

Example #2: TWO OTHERWISE IDENTICAL CHEESEBURGERS. The one cheeseburger is the same as the other cheeseburger, except that it is not the same instance of cheeseburger as the other. Schmonz's Theorem holds. Note that this is a more subtle application of Schmonz's Theorem. We are willing to assume the theoretical identicality of cheeseburgers (apart from their individual identities qua cheeseburger, of course) and Schmonz's Theorem is shown to hold even in this edge case.

Example #3: TALKING ABOUT CHEESEBURGERS TO ILLUSTRATE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS. Talking about cheeseburgers to illustrate abstract concepts is like eating cheeseburgers, only the satisfaction is intellectual rather than gustatory. Schmonz's Theorem holds.

Corollary #1: GENUS-DIFFERENTIA DEFINITION. The genus-differentia definition of Aristotle is just like Schmonz's Theorem, only more original.

Misguided Criticism #1: It has been claimed that Schmonz's Theorem lacks predictive power and can only be used retroactively to describe two things which are similar, yet different. Those who make this claim have not read Schmonz's Theorem carefully. Schmonz's Theorem clearly states that, given any two things, they will always be similar, yet different. This particular criticism is therefore like a valid criticism, only not.

Exercise #1 (for advanced students only): SCHMONZ'S SECOND THEOREM. Schmonz's Second Theorem is defined in terms of Schmonz's First Theorem. What must Schmonz's Second Theorem be?

While you're working on that, I'm a go get a cheeseburger.

String Quartet for Strings (Motoring Accident)

07 May 2007

06 May 2007

All Songs Considered

After poking around the npr site looking for the Bjork concert, I realized that this "All Songs Considered" stuff is pretty interesting. For instance, who knew that Robert Crumb played the mandolin in a band?

05 May 2007

Most suggestive headline evah

"Wang flirts with perfection; Yanks pound Mariners"

It's important to practice good hygiene

"Acquiring B-Boyz" LOL.

04 May 2007

Not a clever post

I seem to remember that at least some of you are interested in Bjork. Looks like you can see a live/free nyc concert for her new album on npr's website tomorrow night.

03 May 2007

Suicide Food

The noun 80 has one meaning

Actually it has two meanings, but they're both numbered 1.

BTW, I accidentally learned that if you double-click a word in a NYT article, such as the one Russ just posted, it brings up a definition of the word in a new window. Neat.


It's good to be a curmudgeoholic

Blue Guitar!!


02 May 2007

Voltron got served

Who's laughing now, beyotch?

01 May 2007

biblical mystery solved

perhaps j.c. was "collecting his own ducks"?

warning: the above linked site contains hours of excellent video content.

29 April 2007

50 Amazing Ads You've Never Seen

These are pretty awesome. (A few aren't safe for work.)

24 April 2007

Schmonz does Barcelona

I'm headed to Barcelona tomorrow for a technical conference. Wouldn't it be hilarious if it were a Lisp conference? But it's not, so you can stop theoretically smirking. Anyway, I'll be giving a talk, for which there will be after-the-fact audio (and maybe even video) footage.

If anyone wants pictures of Gaudí this or that, or needs some goods smuggled back into the States, or has suggestions of things to do and/or eat in and around Barcelona, email me.

How to get to Paris from New York

Google knows! Check out instruction # 24. Good luck :)

22 April 2007

05 April 2007

something seems strange about this article

ps. my wife the bare-faced western prostitute was so ashamed by the comportment of our despicable secular tyrant that she refused to let our effeminate son sell drugs at school today

while looking for evidence of this "article"'s dubious authenticity online, i found an amusing section of gawker dedicated to hounding successful plagiarists:


03 April 2007

Reeks of Teen Spirit

I had been pointed to Tori's version of Teen Spirit by Greg but I prefer the Gregorian Chant version:

23 March 2007

Apple TV

Unbelievable and simple

I plugged it in yesterday and i was streaming DVD quality movie rips from my dinky powerbook to my TV.

Configuration steps:
plug it in
plug HDMI cable to tv
select wireless network
select source


cost kindof hurts (299 for device, 150 (WHAT!) for HDMI cable)

totally effin worth it, a library of 250 movies streaming to my tv
(not even mentioning music and photo coolness)

sorry for sounding off, but its cool

I can't do my wooork

From A Mighty Wind.

16 March 2007


"It didn't come out too bad, though there is a definite uterusy quality to it."

Eat Poop U Cat

15 March 2007

12 March 2007

Superman is a Dick

Funniest thing i've seen in a while.

A collection of a bunch of Superman covers of him acting like a total Jackass.

06 March 2007

Gates vs. Jobs in an iWorld ad

This is hilarious. I can't wait to get my iHouse :)

Craigslist for coasters

This has been entertaining me for the past 3 days.

26 February 2007

23 February 2007

mp3 editor recommendation?

for os x. i'd like to clean up my ipod library for general usability. looking for a straight-ahead, hopefully free metatag editor for audio files, having a surprisingly difficult time. one of you... people... must know.

also, do mp3 metatags support multiple tags of the same type? e.g. for putting multiple authors on an album.

yes you did


22 February 2007

18 February 2007

14 February 2007

your head a splode

i hadn't looked at hr in quite some time, so maybe everyone alread knew this. but, if you have a wii, you can point your wii browser here to play videlectrix games on the wii. i played "secret collect'' for at least .2 hours already!

12 February 2007

"I honestly believe...

... that in some parts of America people are mating with vegetables."

08 February 2007

03 February 2007

Schizophrenia Brown, Crazy Boy Detective

For tormp, here's an Encyclopedia Brown knockoff featuring "internal stimuli." For Roger Lodge, there's Wikipedia Brown and the Case of the Captured Koala. And finally, from the Onion, Idaville Detective 'Encyclopedia' Brown Found Dead In Library Dumpster.

02 February 2007

01 February 2007

From the Committee on Self-Aggrandizement

schmonz gradually becomes a pianist: Exhibit A. Also maybe subscribe to schmonz's music podcast feed: Exhibit B.

What she can't see, hear or understand can't hurt her!

Funniest Wikipedia page ever. Get it while it lasts.

29 January 2007

As if, when I can't locate a bottle opener...

...A4 paper will be any easier to come by.

28 January 2007

Later, when you have time, I'd like to know your secret.

Discovered while googling "robots" today:

Problem: In 1983, when Mr. Roboto first came out, nobody I knew could translate the Japanese lyrics in this song. Solution: Wait 25 years, then google it.

27 January 2007

The Great Midwest Trivia Contest

I'm in Appleton, WI for the Great Midwest Trivia Contest. Help my team! Listen in and IM me if you get an an answer. (If you don't have my IM name, email me yours.)

25 January 2007

24 January 2007

Tar Pits

The Aforementioned trip to Cali was a success.

We hit the tar pits and the mall where Back to the Future was filmed, but didn't make it to the cuddle party. More details.

Later Skater

19 January 2007

15 January 2007

Spiders on Drugs

As sent by Donkey Puncher.


11 January 2007

Upgrade Blogger?

should we upgrade to the new version of Blogger? I just did it with my other blogs and it was simple.

then we can tag our posts (video, techy, weird, etc.. whatever we want)

10 January 2007

09 January 2007